SIGNS OF LIFE

What am I going to do with the rest of my life?

I have been avoiding this question for longer than I care to think about. Up until a year ago, I thought I had the answer: I was going to live out my life in Maine blissfully married to the man of my dreams and oh, yeah, I was going to figure out something else to do besides that, once I was firmly settled into my "new life." That future, already  entered into, evaporated with  a sudden and   heartbreaking awakening that left me standing at the edge of a yawning void.

A year later, I'm still there, but a growing  anticipation has slowly displaced much of  the terror I used to feel.  My life, defined a year ago by an ending so devastating that it encompassed and multiplied all the endings that preceded it and nearly devastated me, is now full of possibilities.  I do, of course, have to accept certain accumulated limitations, something that is difficult to do when I feel well, but a crushing week of migraines puts me in my place. Despite that,  there is simply so much that I want to do:

1) This blog is one of those things, although I am not yet certain what shape it will take.  I doubt that more than three people will read it, but I am writing it mostly for my self, as a way  to discipline and keep track of my thoughts. Part political commentary, part public diary, a place to share my favorite poetry and art…that’s as far as I have gotten.

2) I am  finally inspired to really turn the little house, purchased last fall, into the home I  really want to live in and share with my family and friends, which means really sorting through a basement and a garage stacked full of boxes.

3)  It’s been 2 1/2 years since I have worked on any art at all. I am determined to get back to jewelry making and have researched a new medium—metal stamping— as well as a new material. I have taken a very short online class and plan to take a class at the Robert Rae Gallery here  in Stoughton. I also plan to take a longer online course in mixed media collage, which I hope to use in my altered books. Of course,  all of this entails cleaning out my study which is currently full of unpacked boxes ( see # 2, above). I also have a wonderful little studio attached to my garage…

3) I have become an advisor to a an old City  Council colleague’s run for the County Board. She’s an excellent candidate, but, sadly, she is running against a dear friend of mine. I have also been appointed to the Stoughton Landmarks Commission, have been asked  to head up a special project for some Stoughton merchants  and perhaps  become involved with the Arts Council again.  Although I love this stuff, these obligations tend to snowball  and I need to be very careful about becoming overcommitted.

4) Some small semblance of  keeping my hand in the practice of law allows me to excercise my brain and do something I love. Although  focus and concentration for extended periods  of time are pretty much a thing of the past, I can still summarize briefs (I  think). At least, I may give it a try again. My beloved friend Jeanne may give me some "piece work" that isn't terribly deadline dependent. Although she thinks that the quality of my work is excellent (it is a summary after all) I am hardly a reliable employee.